• Tu vas me détruire
  • No need for a parallel universe to be both a saint and a monster 
  • as an observer, i sometimes feel the fomo
    as a participant, i realize what my true self is
    as an observer, i can be anywhere
    as a participant, i'm confined to one place

    In The Invisible Man, Griffin reanimates and personifies a Platonic dream of becoming pure intellect. Well's novel therefore dramatizes in tragicomic form its protagonist's doomed desire to deny that his corporeal frame fatally impedes his intellectual and spiritual ambitions. In striving to escape his body, the Invisible Man imprisons himself in it. In trying to become superhuman, he becomes subhuman. 
  • A 3d object passes through a 2d plane.

    A 2d creature sees a series of shapes and has no idea that they all are connected. Unless it takes time into consideration.

    Maybe then it can realize that random occurrences were a part of one. 

    Maybe events that look distinct to us are not really so. 
  • i'm sad
    but i'm not sad about being sad
    because the alternative is emptiness and stagnation
    so i'd rather suffer a little and take a blow to my ego
  • the next five seconds or nothing at all
  • There’s no shame in accepting that what was once taken for granted is not innate, but a result of years work.
    No shame in acknowledging that something had been lost and can only be returned through monotonous and boring repetition. 
  • Night, avenue, lamp, apothecary
    Meaningless and obscure light.
    Live as little as a quarter of a century—
    All will remain. And no way out.  

    Die - begin anew
    It will repeat, like in old times.
    Night, the glacial ripple of a canal,
    Apothecary, avenue, and light.

    my translation of Aleksandr Blok’s poem
  • #97

    when the student is ready, the master appears
  • a red morning

  • filtered light

  • make decisions

    without your television
  • bist du traurig, so wie ich

    dir laufen tränen vom gesicht
    komm zu uns und reih dich ein
    wir wollen zusammen traurig sein

    komm mit

  • hier kommt die Sonne

  • for the weakest moment

    What's the minimum I can do when I'm at my weakest? 
    Something that I won't feel was a waste of time when I look back at it.
    (It's never all or nothing.)
  • all there is

    higher love gets only so high before it falls too low.
    all the time in the world is all when treated as not.
  • sharper lines

    longer delays, 
    higher concentration, 
    sharper lines.

  • small steps

    literally crawling sometimes to squeeze out every last bit of will and awareness, to get something done.

    and if that's how it has to be done sometimes, then so be it.
  • paradox of completion

    We think there's nothing to do. 

    There is. Just start digging in.

    Otherwise, you start overthinking.
    And seeking something else.
    Some other input, usually.

    There is always more to give.
  • head, heart, hand

    The head provides logic; the heart, emotional stimuli; and the skill that gives form to design concepts is executed by the hand.
  • in the now

    There are two ways to live in the present.

    One is with disregard, ignorance, and fear. Going around in a rush, reaching for the short-term gain, to be felt here and now. With complete disdain for the process, let alone appreciation of the tiniest details.

    Another one is with respect. With focus. With realization that all you really have is the current moment. This moment is fragile, fleeting. So you might as well treat it with care and concentration.

    And whatever you do, here and now, you will do with consideration for the future and appreciation of the past. Because you know that's still the present, in disguise...
  • Talking tiring, working energizing

    Our ability to talk, analyze, and plan can be a disadvantage. It’s too easy to take it too far.

    We get carried away in the wrong direction, trying to iron out the nitty-gritty details of hypothetical problems.

    Once we start working, we realize that we never even come close to those “problems”. The flow of work resolves them organically.

    We do, however, uncover tons of other challenges. Many of these challenges couldn’t have even been predicted - we had to put in the work to surface them.

    Conversation is over the moment it loses its concreteness. Once you start building out a chain of events that may result from the work you haven’t yet done… you stop. There’s a high chance there’s no link between those events. This is the time to start doing and see for yourself.

    Same with thinking too. It’s so easy to go down the spiral of possibilities, only to later realize that they mean nothing.

    When we spend too much time analyzing, we drift too far from our current point and lose sight of what really is out there. So we jump all over the place.

    When we put in the work, the path becomes more clear. Of course we still need to periodically stop to choose direction, but that only happens when we’re at a point when choosing is an option.

    Overthinking, overanalyzing, overtalking is tiring. It takes so much out of you and yet, you’re left with nothing. 

    Working is energizing, even with all its unexpected challenges. Progress is satisfying and having something concrete to continue building upon is insanely motivating. 
  • mind the gap

    There’s distance between stimulus and response. Often that distance is zero.

    Often I go straight to the response, without realizing what I am responding to, without realizing that I am, in fact, responding.

    It’s not a problem, as long as the response is the correct one. 

    But what if it’s not? Then it’s time to pause. The pause is the distance, the distance is the gap.

    The gap creates space to step away from the stimulus and to understand why that stimulus is even there. And then, to generate a more thoughtful response.

    Pausing is chaotic. It unleashes restrained thoughts, letting them flow freely. The more thoughts have been squeezed and tucked away, the more overwhelming the pausing experience is. That’s why it can be so afraid to pause.

    Pausing feels wasteful. In a culture that loves nonstop speed, pausing isn’t promoted or welcomed. Pausing makes manipulation harder and manipulation drives money. 

    But pausing frequently is necessary. 
    First, to clear accumulated information. 
    Second, to continuously practice the act of pausing itself. 

    So that at the time of stress, at the time when I encounter an unpleasant or unfamiliar stimulus, I have a way out. A way to recognize the stimulus, to create a gap, to process and only then, to respond. 

    Go further…
  • The meaning of life

    … is to do your best, whatever it is you’re doing, at the very moment you’re doing it. With focus and respect. With concentration, awareness, acknowledgement. With acceptance of who you’re, at that very moment. And no matter where you are, no matter the circumstances.

    That’s the simple part.

    The hard part is to figure out what is worth giving your full attention too. Otherwise you’ll constantly be thinking of what is it that you should really be doing.

    Avoid that by setting time to reflect, to be bored, to allow random insights enter your mind. To step back, to question, to be sceptic. To remove yourself from the stage, to review and edit the script. 

    And then to return, with confidence and presence. 

  • Add vs remove

    Sometimes we add things when we should remove them and remove things when we should add them.

    Example 1: Adding instead of removing

    We add more lanes to the roads, thinking it’ll solve the traffic issue. It does for a few weeks or maybe months. And then it goes back to the previous state.
    This phenomenon is known as induced demand or Braess’s paradox. More lanes encourage more people to drive so we end up with more cars on the road.
    Often, in order to solve the traffic issue, we need to either reduce the number of lanes or close the roads to cars entirely. This can create wonderful results, especially when combined with public transport improvements and creation of safe biking and walking routes. 
    Doing so reduces the number of unnecessary car trips, easing the congestion.
    (It’s harder to reach 100% capacity when it comes to public transport, biking, or walking, because those methods of getting around simply take less space).

    Example 2: Removing instead of adding

    When it comes to dieting, it’s common to remove things. Nutrients like carbs or fat, for example. Or meals like breakfast or dinner. Or even some specific foods like chocolate or chips or whatever.
    That usually doesn’t work. It leads to cravings, binging, messes up metabolism and health.
    This is the case where instead of removing, we should try adding. 
    Let’s say I love pizza and have it for dinner every night. I could either try to stop having it for dinner or skip the dinner entirely BUT there’s a different way. 
    I can say to myself: “I can have as much pizza as I want but first I’ll have a really good salad”. And by salad, I don’t mean a couple of sad leafies, I mean a legit meal. Something that has vegetables, some carbs like quinoa or buckwheat, some fats like nuts or avocado, and some protein like chicken or tofu. 
    And after that I can have the pizza.
    Chances are I’ll not be able to have as much pizza as I would have had if I didn’t have the salad beforehand. Maybe I’ll not even want the pizza.
    And since that salad is a much more balanced meal, it’ll help me get in a better shape.
    So if you keep on adding to or removing something and don’t see the intended result, maybe it’s worth trying the opposite. 
  • Berlin

    If you have a week to go anywhere, it’s tempting to hit as many places as possible.

    Check, check, check. Off the bucket list.

    It looks great on paper. But what happens to and in your head?

    If you’re anything like me, you easily get overwhelmed. You need to spend at least 2 or 3 days in a new place to start making sense of things.

    And then the best part comes after that. You feel more present.

    So if I have a week, I will choose one place I’m really interested in and then just spend that week there.

    Walk through the touristy areas, do some touristy things, of course.

    Walk through the residential neighborhoods, get a glimpse of what the life is like.

    Spend hours sitting at a cafe and reading a book or simply watching people. Without feeling rushed.

    Spend a few days doing planned things and a few days doing whatever comes to mind first.

    One week is good enough to both see the city and then realize how much there’s more to see. And hopefully come back someday, to do it all over again.
  • memory bits

    Tickets, stickers, business cards, post cards, drawings, notes, photos, chocolate wrappers, coffee cup sleeves.

    Maybe they have sentimental value, maybe they have good design.

    Things worthy holding on to. Things that become even more meaningful with time.

    Keep them, organize them. The process of organizing itself is meditation, reflection.

    Go through them, once in a while. You'll be surprised to find out how much you forget.
  • IG

    It’s like an obstacle course.
    You jump over ads in your feed. You jump over ads in your stories. You go search for a friend and the explore page attacks you with random stuff.

    You constantly, consciously tell yourself where to look, what to read, what to ignore. It's draining, mentally and physically.

    Seeing friends' pictures is heartwarming. Seeing your favorite artists' work is inspiring. It's an exhausting race to get to it though. Does it have to come at such price?

    Some say social media is just a tool and it's up to you to figure out how to use it. They tell you to exercise your willpower. What nonsense.

    All these apps are designed to keep you hooked. You can have all the willpower you want, but one day you'll be tired and you'll give in. Not your fault. 

    It's like trying to avoid junk at McDonalds. Maybe possible, but you really have to try. Wouldn't have happened if you were, for example, at Sweetgreen.

    Is there a Sweetgreen equivalent of Instagram? 
  • On being a newbie

    At any point of your life, aim to be a beginner in something. The moment you get comfortable with it, try something else. Repeat.

    Aside from learning tons of new things, you’ll also learn patience. Each time you go through this cycle, you’ll have a clearer understanding that a beginner stage is just a stage. And if you could get through it doing other various things, you’ll be able to get through this one as well.

    You’ll still feel weak, awkward, even teary. Don’t deny those feelings - feel them, feel through them, and let them go.

    Enjoy the results.

    Being a newbie will keep you grounded. You will be able to relate to those who are new where you’re an expert. You’ll be more patient in taking the time and helping them. Maybe you’ll actually be helpful, maybe you’ll even become a better teacher. 

    Being a newbie will ensure your ego doesn’t get bloated. 

    At last, it’ll give you a feeling of aliveness few other things can. 

    Enjoy the adrenalin. 
  • The system discourages revision

    The systems we set discourage us from revising our work and improving.
    They also draw a hard line between creation and revision.

    Example 1 - high school writing

    You write a paper, hand it in, done. Maybe you revise it. (For extra credit).
    If you revise it, you probably already have that next assignment hanging over you.
    So revision becomes secondary, unimportant, rushed. It's a nuisance.
    You rarely do anything beyond typos, punctuation, and shuffling a few words around.
    You probably never rewrite it from top to bottom.
    Having to revise makes you feel worse about yourself.
    Why couldn't I get it right the first time?

    Example 2 - agile 

    We try to predict things based on assumptions. 
    When things don't go as anticipated, we blame ourselves for not guessing accurately enough. 
    We feel disappointed that we now have to fix what we thought was done. 
    We also separate our work into distinct stages. 
    Design -> development -> testing. 
    And when a bug is discovered during testing, it has to be "sent back". The beautiful flow is disrupted.
    We try to make sure it doesn't happen the next time. 
    We fail to realize it's a part of the process.
    The only negative thing about this part of the process is what we call it, how we perceive it, and how we treat it.
    It's not developing and fixing.
    It's not writing and revising.
    It's all one.
  • Set standards, stick to them

    You are a professional. 

    So act like one.

    Set standards for yourself, adhere to them. If you find yourself around people that accept subpar quality as a given, don’t fall into that trap.

    You have standards, that should be your guide. Don’t copy others when it compromises who you are. But copy those who inspire you.

    When in doubt, ask yourself: “What would <that person I look up to> do?”. Maybe it’ll help you find you the right answer in a rushed situation. 

    When moving through space, maintain clean lines. Elongate. Breathe evenly, calmly. Concentrate on one point, don’t move your gaze around. Root down, to grow up. Be very, very still.

    When communicating, proofread your message. Don’t fire it away in incoherent stream of snippets. Provide context, links, if possible. Respect the receiver. Write a message that you’d want to read yourself. 

    Take your time. Pause to embrace more. Act according to who you are.

    It doesn’t matter if it’s not in accord with others around you. You have your own standards, so adhere to them.

    It’s not perfectionism, it’s decency. It doesn’t make your better or worse. It doesn’t make you weird or too much.

    It’s just about putting your best work out there. It’s just about honesty, to yourself and those around you. 
  • An ideal Saturday morning

    Emphasis on “an”.

    Wake up, go to the gym, walk to Seven Stars. Get a coffee, jot down some thoughts.

    Go back home, clean the apartment while listening to Tim Ferriss podcast. 

    Cloudy, gloomy, quiet morning. Perfection.
  • Foundations

    Practice the foundations. Always. Not only when you're a beginner. 

    At some point, foundations will become easy. That's great - it means you're getting stronger.

    Still, keep on polishing those foundations. Of course, practice more advanced stuff too but don't let go of the basics. 

    Because there will be another point when foundations become hard again. No, you're not getting weaker. In fact, you are seeing deeper. 

    That's a wonderful place to discover. There's so much to uncover there.

    Ironically, you'll find that doing advanced stuff is easier when you spend more time doing the basics instead of practicing that advanced stuff.

    Because growing up is easier with a strong root system. Work on those roots.

    There's another, purely logistical reason for practicing the basics: it's a lower barrier to entry.

    Foundations are not just for beginners. They're also for those who are running low on time, energy, or motivation.

    Often, it's easier to convince yourself to spend 20 minutes doing stuff that's not pushing you to the limits of your being. It's a smaller effort, but smaller efforts still add up.

    If you do that 4 times a week, you still get 80 minutes of solid work. And once you have the opportunity to take your practice on step further, you're much more prepared.

    Don't scrutinize yourself for not practicing the big stuff all the time. Don't forego the practice altogether. 

    Let go of your ego and get to the little stuff.
  • Mondays

    I love Mondays. A rainy Monday after a sun-filled weekend. 

    It’s resetting. It makes it easier to concentrate. I love a good routine to go back to. It also makes it easier to concentrate. It opens up space for creativity. 

    A work out in the morning, a coffee after, a walk, and then work, work, work. 

    May everyone love their Mondays.

  • Feeling like a fraud, meeting your heroes

    “If you like the painting, don’t get to know the painter.”
    ... I think it goes something like that.

    Sometimes it’s true. Sometimes the painter is a douchebag.

    Or not. Sometimes you stand next to them, but don’t want to say anything. It doesn’t feel like the right time. Or you don’t want to interrupt them. Let them live the normal life. Or you don’t know what to say. Or you don’t want to appear too fan-girly.

    Or you want to have something to offer, you want to be worthy, you want to be good enough. If there’s nothing, then they don’t even have to know who you are. 

    So you keep dancing, shoulder to shoulder, and then you leave - with a warm, warm memory in your heart. 

  • I love/hate restaurants

    I hate restaurants

    It’s mostly the uncertainty. I like to know what’s going on on my plate, all the ingredients, weights, macros. I love food as is - no extra oils, sauces and other frippery.*
    At restaurants, you just don’t know. Sometimes you ask for the dressing on the side and they bring you EXTRA dressing on the side. Sometimes they look at you confused, sometimes they get angry.
    Come on, the calories in this dressing are probably x4 than the salad itself.
    Like, if your food is that good then why are you trying to conceal it?
    I’m digressing.
    It’s also paradox of choice, if there’s choice. I am a boring person. I can eat the same stuff all day every day.
    Salad + grilled chicken or tofu. That’s perfection and that’s no asking for too much, is it?
    But some places don’t have that and I have to use my brainpower to figure out what’s the next safest thing to get (a privileged position to be in, I know).
    I’m lucky - I have it better than I could have 20 years ago. Most restaurants today have a salad section with some solid options + there is this “fast casual” thing (God bless sweetgreen!) + some places even publish calories, macros, and nutrients.
    And of course, once you find ~that~ restaurant or even a few that you can trust, it’s amazing. It’s great to go there occasionally. But I would still rather meal prep at home. 
    Pro tip: I found that breweries and pizza places have the best salads. You’re welcome. 

    I love restaurants

    I love the buzz! The atmosphere! The smells!
    You rarely see sad people at restaurants. Everyone’s happy, enjoying their fancy food, enjoying their fancy drinks. Everyone’s relaxed, love that.
    I love walking on streets that have lots of restaurants. So much to see. 
    Especially when it’s evening time. Bonus points to those places that have string lights.
    Restaurants make the streets safe. They create the neighborhood. They are the creative outlets. They are the places of destination.
    And I love walking, walking, walking. Listening to music, observing. 
    And then I go home, have my chicken, and go to bed, happy.  
    *Frippery - never heard this word before, was trying to find equivalent to “мишура” in Russian, so not sure whether it fits but I love the sound.

  • On leaving

    You are free to go whenever and wherever you are.

    Most of the time, people don't care if you leave.
    Some of the time, even if they do care, they'll forget about you in a couple of weeks.

    Life moves on, things keep on happening.
    When you leave, a place doesn't remain in a vacuum. The time is still ticking.
    It's very rare for your absence to go noticed. 

    But this is what makes it that much more special when it is noticed.

    I don't want to say that you're unimportant or your presence is insignificant. That's just how it is.

    In fact, let this be your freedom. Let this be your permission to leave places where you don't want to be, to stop doing things you don't want to be doing. 

    Just because you feel responsible to do them for someone else. 
    Just because you've been doing it for so long, it would look weird if you stopped doing them.

    Let this be your permission to try something else and then something else again. 

    To focus on what matters to you, at this particular moment of your life.
    Because when you start doing things for yourself, you begin doing things for others around you.

    And when you find something you don't want to leave, that's when your absence goes noticed. 
    That's that rare case. 

    But how can you end up there if you don't leave other things in the past?

  • A combination of many, an escape from one

    I had never been a competitive person. Not only I have zero desire to be the top in —whatever—, I also find competition to be distracting from one’s physical and mental self.

    Competing implies that you’re devoting as much self to it as possible. Everything you do is a supplement to that one goal. That’s just too much unnecessary pressure. 

    I can’t imagine only running or only boxing or only doing yoga or only lifting or only doing pole. I’ve tried and that’s not for me. Several weeks in I start craving something else and feel incomplete. 

    Today, I’m the happiest when I get in 2-3 lifting sessions a week, 5-7 yoga sessions and maybe a run or two.
    A year ago, it was 3-4 boxing classes, 2-3 runs, 1-2 yoga sessions.
    Two years ago, it’s was 4-5 boxing classes, 1-2 runs, 1-2 ballet classes.

    While the combinations are different, they are still combinations.

    Ironically, over the years I’ve found that none of the activities are mutually exclusive and it’s wonderful to see how one influences the other.

    Pole helped me develop strength for boxing, boxing helped me develop endurance for running, running helped me develop patience for yoga, yoga helped me develop balance for ballet. 

    This loop can continue on and on and venture out in all sorts of directions. 

    There’s comfort and refuge in doing multiple things. It gives me an excuse to have bad days. I might have a terrible yoga practice but “hey at least I’m strong and can lift that much”. Or I can have a slow run but “hey at least I’m super flexible”. While admittedly these thoughts are trivial, superficial, and somewhat cringey, they help me maintain my sense of worthiness.  

    Maybe, doing a combination of things also gives me an excuse to not be as good as I could have been. I could push myself x5 harder now and have tremendous progress at one thing, but would it come at the cost of time? I would rather take it slow and have slow but steady progress. I would rather be here, doing the same thing 5, 10, 20 years later. I’m here for the long ride. 
  • Learning to pause

    ...is art to be practiced over and over again.

    Be conscious enough to tell that you’re banging your head against the monitor for nothing. 

    A walk, a coffee will do much better.

    On a separate note, coffee shops right before closing time have a special kind of atmosphere.
  • polluted

    can't live in a polluted world.
    noise, visual
  • A plea for smaller cookies

    ... and also brownies, blondies, danishes, cake slices, etc, etc.

    There’s nothing more exciting that walking into a coffee shop and seeing a fully stacked pastry case.

    When it comes to picking something though, that’s when it gets difficult.

    Everything is just so BIG. I want a cookie, but like a small cookie, and this one is the size of my head.

    I don’t need that much to be satisfied.
    And I can only handle so much sugar at a time.

    So do I get it, have some, and throw the rest away? Seems wasteful and disrespectful.

    The best bet is to split it with someone but you’re not always with someone and what if they want to get something else?

    Or do I get it and spend the entire next week eating it and then don’t get anything else throughout the week because “well I still have that cookie at home”?

    So I often don’t get anything.
    And I know I can’t be the only one.

    That’s a lot of money left on the table.

    So mayyyybe coffee shops and bakeries should consider making mini versions of their pastries or, honestly, downsize all together. Keep charging the same price though.

    I think that’ll be better for everyone. Small businesses will get more money for less of a product + will have more sales from people who currently don’t get anything because it’s too much.

    More people will truly enjoy delicious stuff without feeling bad that they’d throw it away and without shoving it in at the end “just to finish it”. Hell, maybe this will even lower obesity rates.

    And those for whom a smaller cookie isn’t enough will have a chance to also try something else as well. 

    It’s a win-win-win. 

  • ...or whatever

    Excess, middlemen, bureaucracy.
    See it, recognize it, question it, go against it, revoke it.

    What a waste of life, otherwise. 

    Lack of taste brings the taste.
    Lack of meaningless words creates space for results. 

    One’s true place one can feel if one allows to…

    It’s that simple, which makes it not so. 
  • Get the balance right

    Leaning into extremities is easy.
    Tipping over or not gaining enough momentum is easy.

    Finding balance is hard.
    Feeling balance is harder.
    Balancing without giving it much thought is the hardest.

    Learning to balance one aspect of your life doesn’t lead to balance in another aspect of your life. 

    Being able to stand on your feet doesn’t teach you to stand on your hands. 

    Mastering balance doesn’t guarantee that you won’t lose it. However, it’ll be easier to get up.

  • Practicing non-attachment


    Practicing with non-attachment means always starting your practice with a clean slate.
    It means having no expectations of what you’re about to do based on what you have done in the past. 
    While you could probably apply this idea to anything, I first started thinking about it in the context of yoga. In yoga, practicing with non-attachment is the acknowledgment that physical postures don’t belong to you and that even if you were able to achieve a challenging posture last time, it doesn’t make it yours.
    You may or may not improve or even repeat that posture the next time you practice. 
    In a world where we always strive for progress, practicing with non-attachment can sound radical and inefficient.
    If you’re not practicing to get better, then why practice at all?

    To keep showing up

    When you treat each achieved posture as yours, you subject yourself to an immense pressure. You now feel responsible to repeat it whenever you practice to keep claiming ownership over it. 
    As the difficulty of postures increases, so does the fear of not getting them the next time. This can become an impediment to your discipline because there's now a possibility of a failure which will most likely put you in a bad mood and deem the practice as useless.
    However, if you don't feel attached to the postures and if you accept that you may or may not be able to do them the next time, you remove the impediment of pressure and fear. Keeping a beginner's mindset removes any possibility of a failure and assures that there's nothing that can go wrong - as long as you show up. 

    To get better (...yeah)

    Lack of memories and expectations keeps you concentrated on the present. When you’re focused, you’re able to listen to your body and give it what it needs at that very moment, no more and no less. 
    It’s paradoxical but it’s true - the less you force yourself to get better the better you get. Often, having a specific outcome in mind leads to impatience and pushes you to skip an essential part of the process. This usually doesn’t lead anywhere but disappointment at best and injury at worst.
    Staying in the present allows you to figure out that sweet spot where it’s neither too easy nor too painful. You find that delicate balance which can only be discovered and practiced with 100% concentration. 
    That’s where the transformation happens and that’s how you improve. 
  • Film yourself

    Whenever you train (whether it’s yoga, dance, pole, or even lifting), it’s good to occasionally film yourself. Here are a few reasons why.

    Reason 1: Tracking progress

    This is the most obvious one. Since progress is gradual, it’s often hard to spot. There’s no better way to see your progress than comparing two photos/videos several months apart.
    Having a solid proof of your progress is motivating and it keeps you disciplined. 

    Reason 2: Exposing flaws

    Filming yourself is hard. It exposes flaws you didn’t know you had, in addition to those you knew you had. 
    However, awareness of your flaws is the first step to correcting them (otherwise, how can you correct what you don’t know?). It is the key to making your movement more refined, more fluid.
    Watching yourself from the side is scary, awkward, and often cringeworthy. This feeling of discomfort comes from the fact that there’s a gap between how you want to be and how you really are. 
    Once again, awareness of the gap will help you close it faster. 

    Reason 3: Reducing fear

    On the flip side, seeing yourself from the side can also show that you’re better than you think you were. This can reduce fear, especially in type of practice such as yoga or pole, where awareness of space and yourself is often distorted.
    You may discover that you’re more flexible and stronger that you thought. Fears, that reasonably held you back before, are now unreasonable. You’re ready to take a step forward and try something that your body couldn’t do before. 
    And the more you film yourself, the more you look at yourself, the less scary it becomes to watch yourself over time. 

    Reason 4: Inspiring

    If you share your photos/videos online, you never know who you’ll inspire with your movement. While you may look at yourself and not see anything special, others may find your movement motivating and inviting to start or continue their own practice.
    Every time I see one my friends or instructors post something online, I feel grateful that they took the time to do that. It inspires me to keep going whenever I feel weak or unsure of myself. 
    So practice on, film yourself, get better, get inspired, inspire, repeat 💙
  • Afraid of our own power

    Using our own power is something that’s not taught to us. We’re not even taught that we have power. 

    Perhaps it’s something that can’t even be taught. It can only be practiced. 

    People are afraid of themselves. 
    So many suppress their potential. 

    They are afraid of failures, afraid of doing something without a script. They don’t realize they have a unique power, something so unique to them and them alone. 

    They want it, they want it so bad.

    But they delay it until later.
    Then they say it’s too late. 
  • On flexibility

    Practice, without memory of the past or anticipation of the future.
    Practice, not to gain but to release.
    To reveal, to shift the energy.
    Turning pain into lightness, feeling the flow, inside and outside.
    Physical posture is nothing more than a reflection of the inner state. 
    It’s not about completeness, it’s about steadiness and focus. 
    Calm and clear. 
    Enjoy your day.
  • Light, wind, rubber, field.

    Light, wind, rubber, field.
    It's meaningless to be elsewhere.
    It's meaningless to leave this place,
    Because my happiness is here.
    Cold, metal, stairs, clock.
    It's pleasant to feel this pain,
    It's pleasant to know I can,
    Because without it I'm just nothing.
    Darkness, moon, fake grass, and music.
    You lead me where I can be.
    You lead me where I can't see
    Your faults, your weaknesses, your sadness. 
    High and higher, hot, and hotter.
    Running faster, light is brighter.
    It's meaningless to tell you more.
    It's meaningless, so say no more. 

    Small poem I wrote senior year of high school, inspired by Aleksandr Blok’s “Night, avenue, lamp, apothecary..”